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Isle of Boden

Just who is Johnnie Boden?

Cash for questions

You asked, we answered - and here’s our favourite entries plus Johnnie’s answers. Everyone whose question is featured will receive $50 credit to their account.
Q
Dear Johnnie I am about to marry a Mr Boden which I am very excited about. But I was wondering: before I change my name, what are the benefits of being a Mrs Boden? Rachel Rimmer, UK
A
Speaking from personal observations, I’d say that the main plus points would be the acquisition of a charming and handsome husband, the guarantee of equally fine children, and getting nearer the front when queuing alphabetically. Johnnie
Q
I chopped my big toe off when I was three, But I keep wanting those ballet flats for me,  but if I buy them, no stuffing will do, because that ballet flat will fly off my foot--BOO HOO!  What is a girl with 9 1/2 toes like me to do?
Sigita Paulius, USA
A
An interesting quandary. You are quite right to not let the mere loss of a digit come between you and the right shoes. I prescribe half a cork, and some double sided sticky tape. Johnnie
Q
I have a considerable selection of most of your tasteful flowery shirts. My boss has told me they are not suitable for the office. Is this likely to be jealousy? Should I change my boss? Andy Wilkes, UK
A
Undoubtedly on both counts. This is clearly the kind of person who irons their underwear and unless you are happy to just snort derisively every time someone is promoted ahead of you, you must free yourself from the clutches of this mental pygmy without delay. Johnnie
Q
Johnnie, was my geography mistress at school really a man? Tabitha, UK
A
Probably not, though if she/he also taught P.E., then almost certainly. Johnnie
Q
Malcolm McLaren's comment on the explosion of punk three decades ago was that he'd created a monster. Do you ever fear that one day soon, a whole army of Boden-uniformed yummy mummies will break free from their Stepford shackles and hunt you down until you return your Ring to the Mount Doom in Mordor? Genevieve Daly, UK
A
I do hope so. I had a dream a bit like this the other day. Johnnie
Q
Dear Johnnie, as the fount of all knowledge...can you tell me please..Do penguins have knees? Julia Whittle, UK
A
Good question. I’m afraid the answer is probably not. We may never know for sure, but there are clues. A study of Spheniscidae folklore shows that the Southern Atlantic version of the popular song, ‘Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes’ is missing a key verse. For my money, conclusive proof can be found in another familiar song, where in their version the shin bone connects directly to the hip bone. Johnnie
Q
Has anyone ever told you that you resemble William Shatner? Eileen, US
A
Yes, but I fear they are referring to his TJ Hooker period (or, God forbid, Boston Legal). It’s a cross I have to bear. Johnnie
Q
I love the clothes! But more importantly, I love the name! So much so that Boden is the name we picked for our second son. Any chance you can tell me more about it's meaning or history? Dear God, let it be good. Marie, US
A
Well, Boden means floor or ground in German and there was a Boden who did rather well in lacemaking in the mid nineteen century, but the main reason that I used it was because Boden has been a very popular surname (certainly with the men) in my family for as long as I can remember. I think I just got used to using it. Johnnie
Q
A man of your experience must have travelled widely, tell me, what flavour blancmange is best in a trifle? And for the topping - nuts or cherries? Alex Boulton, UK
A
Blancmange? The pink wobbly stuff? Fresh custard with a vanilla pod is the only rational answer to this frankly insane question. Top with almonds, or smashed up Amaretti biscuits, then have a quite word with yourself. Johnnie
Q
A few weeks ago we received several items from Boden for my daughter Rosemary. We LOVE all the items...but there was an extra special surprise in our bag! A tiny brown cricket who she has named Johnnie. Rosemary has been begging me to take a picture of her with "Johnnie" and send to you! What do you think? Thanks! Anna Whitmire, USA
A
Please do. To see ‘Johnnie’ and ‘cricket’ in the same sentence after all these years - I am welling up in the manner of J.R Hartley. Johnnie
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